VOLUME 1, ISSUE 7

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Contrary to popular belief, the dog isn't really man's best friend. When the dog made up this cliché, he was obviously mad at two people: the cat and the woman. The cat clearly carries the qualities of a magnificent best friend.  Cats may fit the title of best friend better than dogs, but the controversy between the man and women's best friend leads one to conclude that the two species should be considered equal. The proper way for the revised statement to go is, "Dog and cat are man and woman's best friends."  Now the question is, why did he leave out cats and women everywhere? Probably because the cat said he smells.

Which is true! When the cat said this, she first had to open her mouth, which let out an odor that reeked of cat food. Her intent may have been to insult the dog, but when asked, "What's that smell?" fingers often point at her.  Although the dog realized that his breath and coat smelled, where the cat's coat was always kept nice, he also realized that the reason his coat and breath smelled was directly related to the woman who fed him to often and bathed him not often enough (now, I don't know why he didn't blame the man for either of these, he was probably sexist).

If he realized the cat was clean because she bathed herself then why didn't he choose to pick up his tongue and lick himself clean? Because he was, is, and always will be lazy. That's right! The dog is lazy, not the cat! The dog is like most teenage boys; he has poor work habits, but is always ready to goof off. The dog snubs doing any work himself, but as soon as the man calls him with a ball in hand he jumps up giddy and tackles the poor guy. Cats are more like teenage girls. They

are constantly seen checking their appearance and carry themselves with just enough attitude.  Grooming themselves often, they don't even mind when the dog needs some help with his horrible, messy coat of fur.  At least cats tend to keep their tongues away from the man and woman!
The dog's slimy tongue always manages to find its way out of his steamy mouth to caress a face or leg. I couldn't imagine anyone wanting a sloppy dog licking her face, like a bad date trying to stick his dripping, oversized tongue in her mouth. When cats give kisses, they are petite and classy. They don't slobber and they don't try to lick constantly or all over.  hey usually go for a quick lick on the nose or hand, a nice gesture to say "I love you."  However, dogs do have their ways of saying "I love you," too.

Dogs are the self-proclaimed watch guards of the house, barking whenever they think they hear a noise (some consider this a bad thing).  They usually do not mean to be annoying and are bluntly showing they care. Cats don't usually meow unless they need to convey an important message. Purring is usually a more effective noise for the cat to make.

Cats are always the first to cuddle up in an available lap, purring, "I love you." The dog is sometimes seen in bed with the man or woman, but his awkward, oversized body and coarse, rancid fur are usually not wanted and not very cuddly.

Whether one considers the cat or dog his or her best friend comes down to personal preference.  Both the dog and cat make wonderful companions. Some still hold a grudge against the dog, who so rudely left out the cat and the woman, but this did happen a long time ago and one shouldn't be too mad at the dog for his horrible mistake.  From now on, let's stick with the saying as it should be, "Dog and cat are man and woman's best friends."